Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Chapter 28: The Proposal Part 1

Susan Ellen was working with Daisy Ellen on creating their infomercial for Susan Ellen’s saran-wrap weight loss product.

Let me just say this:

Daisy Ellen is a bona fide bitch. She has a lot of reasons to be:

1.) Her only acting gig is hosting an infomercial.
2.) She’s insecure and unsuccessful.
3.) She lives in Hollywood.
4.) She’s had so much botox she can’t feel her boyfriend’s touch anymore.

I don’t think Daisy Ellen has any control over her life. With not getting a role in a film or movie since 1982, it makes sense. I think her only friend is Susan Ellen because she’s probably the only one dumber than her. Susan Ellen is so dumb that Daisy Ellen cherishes it because there’s finally one person that she is smarter than.

Daisy Ellen wrote up a proposal for the infomercial and asked Susan Ellen to proofread it. Of course she did! Daisy Ellen is so insecure she asks an illiterate woman to proofread something for her!

Since Susan Ellen was busy putting her puppy’s snout into her mouth, she asked me to proofread it.

Now, I’m not going to say that I’m a good proofreader, but I know how to identity run-ons. Like a sentence like this one.

I also know the difference between “your” and “you’re.” Additionally, I think I’m positive that most sentences begin with a capital letter.

I tried to remember Daisy Ellen’s wikipedia page to see if she dropped out of kindergarten to pursue her entertainment career. These mistakes were horrible. They wanted to show this proposal to a semi-literate (I hope) Guthy Renker executive? It was so pathetic it was like watching a gymnast with no legs trying to walk on the balance beam. I had to do something.

I suppose my corrections made it look like I ripped the proposal apart. I swear I didn’t. I was making a bunch of random letters into something that makes sense, I swear! Susan Ellen sent the proposal back to Daisy Ellen and moments later Daisy Ellen calls.

I could feel her rage in the ring of the telephone, despite Susan Ellen’s ringtone being “You Lift Me Up” by Josh Groban.

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