Friday, July 17, 2009

Chapter 41: Snack Time

Susan Ellen doesn’t eat. Her meals include herbal and mineral capsules as well as non-positive ion- snacks. Because she has a gluten allergy, she occasionally eats these brown rice tortillas that she toasts. (She doesn’t have a microwave because she’s also allergic to foods heated by a lightbulb. I felt bad for her: she never got to play with an Easy Bake Oven.)

Since her cleaning lady was scrubbing the office, I was working at her kitchen table that is covered with fake plastic diamonds. During the time, “Diamond Power” became the fad form of spiritualism amongst the Hollywood elite. Susan Ellen had them everywhere.

Susan Ellen toasted one of her brown rice tortillas and was munching on it, making the loudest crunching noises as if she were in a Pringles commercial. Before I knew it, her three dogs were crowed around her lured in by the smell of food. She broke off pieces of her tortilla and suddenly I heard the crunches noises times four.

I looked up and saw Susan Ellen and her three puppies simultaneously crunching on this rice tortilla all with their mouths open. Gazing at the three of them chewing like cows who chew on curd, my mind delved into the biggest question of all:

Which one had the highest IQ?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are very pretty and very funny! Fuck LA mean people! I like your writing. This is a town that obsesses over the inept.