Monday, January 19, 2009

Chapter 31: Genius Bar

After dishing with my friends all of my Susan Ellen stories a lot of them questioned me as to why I didn’t quit at that point.

There are a few reasons why. First and foremost, I was a new L.A. transplant so I was still getting my bearings. (I know I still use that excuse when it comes to laundry but we all have our flaws, right?) Secondly, I am young. I don’t know a lot about life or how to stand up for myself or have the basic gist about employees’ rights. In my college internship program, they stressed the importance of adapting to your boss and developing techniques to deal with demanding jobs and big personalities. Basically, I’m programmed to just deal with it. I don’t realize I’m in a shitty situation until it’s too late. There have been so many times in my life when I should have had metaphorical abortions but I ended up waiting until it was too late and raising metaphorical cleft palate babies. Take for example, my previous boss.

Quickbooks?! He wanted me to learn QuickBooks? Are you fucking kidding me?

Thirdly, I chose not to quit my servitude after a call a received from Ted.

It was a Friday and I didn’t need to go into Susan Ellen’s until 3 because she had to get a chicken pox vaccination and then she was going colon-cleansin’ with Daisy Ellen.

“Becky! It’s Ted. How are you?”

Oh! It was so great to hear his Tim Gunn-esque voice!

He continued, “I just wanted to check in to see how things were going with Susan Ellen?”

By the middle of that question, I was ready to answer:

“Susan Ellen is a borderline retard. She doesn’t need a personal assistant. She needs a registered nurse. She is rude, incoherent, and completely unprofessional! She looks at my emails! She asks me personal questions! She is unclear in her directions! Each day I go into work utterly amazed that she somehow managed to make her pathetic excuse for a business look like a legitimate company for you! You totally screwed me over and sent me to a company because I checked off ‘gets along well with others’ on my application! You assumed ‘Oh! She seems so agreeable and nice. She must be stupid. Let’s send her to this trainwreck of a company so we can just fill the spot already’. Well, guess what, Ted, as much as I want to go to Beauty Bar with you to discuss Zac Efron, it’s no more Miss Nice Girl. I’m going to be aggressive and get what I want and if you dare put me in another position that resembles this job I have now, I will seriously consider killing you. Seriously. Seriously, I will weigh the pros and cons of committing murder and taking your life. Seriously.”

But, the only words I could get out was “It’s…”

Ted interrupted me with, “Isn’t Susan Ellen a genius?”

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