Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Chapter 33: Newfound Respect and White Face

What’s that syndrome that happens when a hostage falls in love with his or her captive? Isn’t it a Susan Sarandon movie? Or am I just dreaming? (Ah, that’s the question I ask most often in my life.)

I suppose during my tenure with Susan Ellen, I began to slightly respect her. Or pity her. Or feel guilty that I thought she had a cocktail of ADD, Downs Syndrome, and pseudo-Conservatism and I ended up being proven wrong by my temp agent.

Does this happen to people when they work for crazy bosses? After a while they start to really respect them?

Whether this is a condition or not, this phenomenon did happen to me.

In the skincare community, there is a trend called “Face Whitening”. Basically, if you care at all about the health of your skin, your face must look as white as possible.

Susan Ellen calls this “White Face” and even wanted to include a eugenics tree in her book. (Remember, the book I was ghost writing for her on how to lose weight and do some other shit?)

Being the entrepreneur, Susan Ellen was calling a bunch of cosmetic manufacturers to look for a scientist to work with to help her develop her own line of “White Face”.

Per usual, Susan Ellen had her phone volume all the way up. She asked her questions to a representative who responded again and again, “I have no idea what you’re talking about ma’am. I don’t think this is the department you are trying to reach.”

As I was working on chapter 37 of her book, “How Cellulite Causes Breast Cancer”, I thought to myself, “Wow! That representative is acting like a dick toward Susan Ellen! He doesn’t know! She’s a genius.”

They ended their conversation and the phone rep said goodbye with the company’s obligatory phrase:

“Thank you for calling the National Association of Architectural Metal Manufacturers. Have a good day.”

That guy is a moron. He doesn’t even know what manufacturing company he works for!

I love you, Susan Ellen!

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