Chapter 34: Susan Ellen’s Guide to Drinking Water

As mentioned earlier, Susan Ellen hired me on to be a ghostwriter for her diet book that also included lifestyle tips like how to include Buddha into your life and relieve dry feet.

One chapter in the book included something along the lines of “Susan Ellen’s 8 Tips for Getting Your 8 glasses of Water a Day” (despite the fact that it’s been proven that the 8 glasses of water a day isn’t necessary to stay healthy.)

Here were some of her tips she asked me to include in the book. If some of these seem exaggerated to you, you’re right. They are exaggerated. This is because I was writing the book; not her. She said I could add in anything I thought would be necessary for the book’s success.

1.) Have a drinking race! See how fast you can drink a bottle of water and try to beat your record each time to play the game. Every time you beat your previous time, reward yourself with a bottle of water.

2.) Listen to music while you sip water and take a sip at every beat. Don’t worry if you choke; at least you will be on beat!

3.) Drink three glasses of water every time you cry to replenish the water you lost through your tears. This is especially good for people who lost a loved one in a freak accident.

4.) Next time you go to the Olive Garden for the Soup, Salad, and Breadsticks menu, replace the soup with a bowl of water. Once you get really advanced, you can replace the salad and breadsticks with a bowl of water, as well.

5.) If you live in LA, drink a gallon of water everyday it doesn’t rain. If you don’t live in LA, drink a gallon of water everyday.

6.) At parties, drink water instead of liquor and act drunk.

7.) Become an Aquarius.

8.) Take up smoking and then start quitting. Every time you get a cigarette craving, drink a glass of water. If you already smoke, you’re halfway there to a healthier new you!