Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Chapter 18: All About Susan Ellen

Susan Ellen tried to explain to me about her business. Basically, she's a masseuse, but she doesn't have an official license, so she technically goes by "pain releaser."

However, it doesn't just end there.

Susan Ellen also has a body-slimming technique that helps you lose inches and cellulite. This technique consists of placing cellophane around your thighs and stomach for 30 minutes while you sweat away the inches. (All you need to do is drink a glass of water right after and you gain it all back again.)

Susan Ellen also has a body-detox program that consists of eating nothing but spoonfuls of apple-cider vinegar and raw asparagus for two weeks.

Susan Ellen also is going to have a line of hair products, face products, oils, creams, and other viscous liquids to "return skin and eyes to their healthiest glow and increase energy levels." She is working on a book, children’s stories, and serves as a health and beauty consultant.

Oh, and she doesn't do any of this work herself. Her rich father helped to set up her business. She has people create her body-slimming technique, diet plans, and diet pills. People who owed her rich father favors gave her connections to every A-list celebrity in Hollywood.

She spends most of her time being the personal "pain releaser" to celebrities on their movie and TV sets.

She’s now working on an infomercial for her detox products with her best friend/ C-list celebrity named [Daisy Ellen.]

Daisy Ellen was on a popular TV show in the late 80’s. She was the former fiancĂ© of one of the most sought-out actors today and she is notorious for having a "downfall in her career."

When Susan Ellen emailed information about her projects to whomever, whenever she would write about Daisy Ellen, she would copy/paste Daisy Ellen’s Wikipedia page. Little did Susan Ellen know that the biggest subsection of Daisy Ellen’s article is “Career Downturn.”

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